Maria Carolina Martins
As February rolls around, love can be seen everywhere, big or small. It can be seen in the couples that stroll along streets while holding hands as they brace for the cold weather, in the heart-shaped sweets in the cafeteria that make the air smell all sweet and sticky, in the people running to the stores to buy last minute surprises for their loved ones, it’s in the big smiles and longing looks some reserve for people they wish they could spend Valentine’s Day with or even the long-lasting late night calls long-distance couples have right before the holiday to make the distance and the lengthy hour differences fade away for that moment. Although Valentine’s Day is known as the day for couples to show their romantic love, other types of love are also celebrated during February, such as friendship and platonic love. But the question is: How do we love? In what ways are we able to demonstrate our feelings towards those who are important to us?
As humans, love and affection are often present in our lives as we create relationships with those we care for. One of the most beautiful things about our existence is the possibility of caring and being cared for, showing love in a multitude of ways and forms – things that can make being alive such a wonderful experience. Gary Chapman is a pastor who wrote the book “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” in 1992 based on his observations of the couples he spent years counseling and giving advice to, ultimately coming up with 5 different ways we use to demonstrate our love and affection to those around us. With more than 20 million copies sold worldwide and translations to more than 49 languages, his ideas became quite popular and are still relevant to this day. Even if these languages refer primarily to romantic relationships, they may still apply to other types of love such as platonic love, friendships or familial links such as mother and daughter.
1. Words of Affirmation
This love language applies to people who value verbal demonstrations of love, such as acknowledgments, saying “I love you”, compliments, and communicating feelings, thoughts, and affection through words. This is what makes them feel appreciated and understood and can be done in countless ways: a good morning text, little notes, love reminders, and any verbally expressed affection.
2. Quality Time
People who have quality time as their love language feel the most loved when their loved ones want to spend time with them. They value being listened to and prioritized, with active eye contact and thoughtful conversations. However, sometimes just being around the ones you love is enough. With the quick pace of life, quality time encounters can be simple interactions such as grocery shopping together, watching movies together, or even doing personal tasks while enjoying the company of one another.
3. Acts of Service
This love language is characteristic of those who feel loved or love through small acts that make the lives of those important to them somehow easier. This could be things like bringing food when a loved one is sick sick, making someone’s bed when they have to rush out of the house, cooking breakfast or lunch the way they like, or tidying up the house for when they come home. It is in the things that are carefully done, paying attention to details that really make a difference and show that they care.
4. Gift-Giving and Receiving
This is the love language of those who feel loved the most when given meaningful gifts – “visual symbols of love,” as Chapman calls it. A small (or big) token of appreciation, a meaningful thing that really shows care and attention to the things the person receiving the gift enjoys. It can be expensive things such as jewelry and big flower bouquets, or small gifts like the person’s favorite chocolate, or even handmade things like love cards, just as long as it has symbolic and sentimental value.
5. Physical Touch
People who love through physical touch usually enjoy small physical gestures, such as holding hands, hugs, kisses, and cuddles. This love form can be expressed through small gestures like stroking someone’s hair, tickle fights, back massages, head scratches, or just touching feet under the table as a form of contact, ensuring some type of warm exchange even if small or barely noticeable.
These love languages apply to both giving and receiving love. People might express or enjoy being loved through multiple or different love languages and can also enjoy receiving love in a different way than they enjoy giving it. For example, a person may really like to give gifts to their loved ones and not like receiving them in return.
What about you? How do you feel loved the most or enjoy showing affection to those you care for? If you want to find out which of the love languages is most compatible with you, try answering Chapman’s curated quiz at the end of this issue, or click this link if you are viewing this online:
Citations
Karantzas, G. (2023, March 3). Is there science behind the five love languages? Greater Good Magazine. Retrieved from: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/is_there_science_behind_the_five_love_languages
Nguyen, J. (2020, October 21). What are the 5 love languages? Everything you need to know. Mindbodygreen. Retrieved from: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-5-love-languages-explained
Maria Carolina Martins